32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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