Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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