Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
