I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
