when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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