Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
