dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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