Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
