Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
