He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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