meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bring me that man meat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
