after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you will always have a special place in my vag
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
