Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
