I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
