Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
