No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize