his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
