i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
