I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
