She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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