He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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