like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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