listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
