Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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