i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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