so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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