I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
