last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
