this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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