I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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