he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
