I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How does one acquire holy water?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
