i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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