Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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