Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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