you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did i walk over a car last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
