So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
