Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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