dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
