we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
