Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
