I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
