There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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