I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
