Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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