Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
