You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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