The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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