look no pants
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
