I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
