they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
