Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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