Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
