Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
