I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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