i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You took a bar mat shot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
