i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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