i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
