Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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