I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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