I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize