If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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