Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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