I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
