i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
