forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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