New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
