just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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