Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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