just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
