I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
