Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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